Jackalart

Merlina: Sir Sonic, thanks for coming to your performance review.
Sonic: No problem.
Merlina: So you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Sonic: Absolutely. I’m the king.
Merlina: Okay, so take us through a day in the life of the king.
Sonic: Well, the first thing I do is…

Fall through a portal! (Like a king)
Drop my chili dog! (Like a king)
All this is mine! (Like a king)
And the curtains! (Like a king)
Knight singers! (Like a king)
My own chamberpot! (Like a king)
Conquer Russia! (Like a king)
Viva Las Vegas! (Like a king)
Swing my vorpal blade! (Like a king)
Getting tired! (Like a king)
My arm just fell off! (Like a king)
‘Tis but a flesh wound! (Like a king)
Topple tyrants! (Like a king)
Run into townspeople! (Like a king)
Property damage! (Like a king)
Diplomatic immunity! (Like a king)
Defeat the killer rabbit! (Like a king)
Fight the French! (Like a king)
Go to Zone Jail! (Like a king)
Bribe the warden! (Like a king)
A giant stampede! (Like a king)
In the gorge! (Like a king)
“Long live the king.”
Kill Mufasa! (Like a king)
Feel the love tonight! (Like a king)
Polish Caliburn! (Like a king)
Conquer Italy! (Like a king)
Find the Holy Grail! (Like a king)
Sit at the Round Table! (Like a king)
Start a food fight! (Like a king)
Eat five chili dogs! (Like a king)
Indigestion! (Like a king)
Hurl in the Holy Grail! (Like a king)
Defeat a giant ape! (Like a king)
Reach the Kill Screen! (Like a king)
Benedict wizard! (Like a king)
Release my bankai! (Like a king)
School a dirty witch! (Like a king)
Now I’m Arthur! (Like a king)

Merlina: Uh-huh… So that’s an average day for you, then?
Sonic: No doubt.
Merlina: You kill Mufasa and become Arthur.
Sonic: Hell yeah.
Merlina: And I think at, uh, one point there you said something about “polishing” Caliburn?
Sonic: Nope.
Merlina: Actually, I’m pretty sure you did.
Sonic: Nah, that ain’t me.
Merlina: Okay, well, this has been eye-opening for me.
Sonic: I’m the king.
Merlina: Yeah, no, I got that. You said it about four-hundred times.
Sonic: I’m the king.
Merlina: Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Sonic: I’m the king.
Merlina: No, I heard you. See you later.
(Like a king)

I… don’t know exactly how long this will be (because it’s one of the rare fics I started writing without the whole thing planned out start to finish) and I don’t have chapter/section names, so I guess I’ll just number them like this.

By now, I will only post fully-completed sections. On that end, I updated the last part with its end part, which I recommend reading if you already read what I posted at first.

Also, comments are very welcome if you have any. This is true of anything I make.

—-

Sonic’s destination was a center with a slightly-redundant name that stood just outside Mobius: Faro Del Sol. To the greater city it was something else, and had been until very recent events made it into a detox center for those who didn’t really belong in Mobius. As it came into view, Sonic could see the dim light of the sun just beginning to rise in the distance, which probably meant she was still asleep. But like Sonic, she wouldn’t turn away someone in need. Or a friend.

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jazzjackalope:

This would mark the second time poor, vulnerable little Ethan has been a victim of my fanfiction of creepypasta. Unlike The Room, this isn’t a coping mechanism: I loved Easter Egg - Snow on Mt. Silver, and I hope that my novelization (?) of the game portion does it justice.

I know that Ethan was nameless in the original G/S/C, but he’s really still the same character with slightly-different clothes, so I’m going to keep calling him Ethan.

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jazzjackalope:

This is a goofy Pokemon B/W 2 crackfic I’ve attempted to write in the style of ShakespeareHemmingway, who if he isn’t famous should be. If you enjoy my story I guarantee you’ll enjoy his works on the adventures of epic Garfield. But first please enjoy my story. It was great fun to let loose, flaunt the rules and be as silly as possible, so I hope you have as much fun reading as I did writing.

All misspellings are left in on purpose because that’s part of the fun. Grammar sticklers beware: This is a comma-free zone.

Read more because length and maybe a little NSFW!

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jazzjackalope:

Dig dug, dig dug, all day long, hey!
Dig dug, dig until it’s done, hey!
Dig through night until the day,
Then take your pick and dig again, hey!

Two-four-seven, three-six-five, ho!
Dawn to dusk, we dig for life, ho!
Dig dug, and when there’s no more,
Your mallet’s there to dig through stone, ho!

Like a Beedrill hive, all workers focused
All together until we reach our purpose
Dig till you reach tunnel’s end,
Then come back in and dig again, ha
Dig dug, dig through the soft earth,
We’ll have our day, for what it’s worth, ha

Dig dug, dig dug, all day long, hey!
Dig dug, dig until it’s done, hey!
Dig through night until the day,
Then take your pick and dig again, hey!

Two-four-seven, three-six-five, ho!
Dawn to dusk, we dig for life, ho!
Dig dug, and when there’s no more,
Your mallet’s there to dig through stone, ho!

Like a Beedrill hive, all workers focused
All together until we reach our purpose

(…)